I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH -- I DON’T DESERVE THIS
THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FALSE SELF
People sometimes have self assessments that include ideas that they are not good enough, they don’t deserve anything, they can’t achieve, or variations on these themes. It’s very limiting and leads often to depression, not being happy, and not achieving. The below article succinctly lays out the idea of a False Self, developed during a person’s young years, that is a self-denying and self-denigrating response to a not good enough caretaking experience, usually from the mother but could be from any childhood caretaker, or from early trauma.
The developing person creates a way of being to accommodate to this faulty holding environment, which in turn dis-allows his or her True or Genuine Self from emerging. In this conceptualization it’s a defensive process that creates a sub-optimal compromise: if normally expected growth is thwarted, the person adapts as best he/she can. The True Self (what would have otherwise developed naturally if all systems were in the normal range) is shunted down, stifled, or even never begun, and is replaced by self-defeating sets of behaviors and thoughts, ending with self-denigrating and self-limiting expectations of the person’s place in the world. The result is the belief (not even conscious) that interactions with others or engagement in activities will yield little but unhappiness. They might not like it, but it’s what is fated. The shell (False Self) becomes the mode of being.
The way the False Self develops and its final solidification varies by individual. Nevertheless it becomes the modal persona which carries through into adulthood.
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